Category: Writings
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“The Mullert”
Disty sets out across the heather after night at the pub in Torphins and finds his way by the light of the moon. He thinks he’ll see it better if he looks through the bottom of his whisky bottle. However, the moon won’t stay put, the ground rises up and he ends up going back…
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“The Saut Sea Win’”
Tammie’s wife takes to her bed, worn out. He calls the Doctor, who recommends a month of salty sea air on the coast somewhere. Tammie thinks of a cheaper solution and, when the Doctor returns, he finds Tammie wafting a salted herring at his wife.
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The Worsit Thrum
A youth goes to the cinema and pulls at a thread of the woven woollen vest of the girl in front of him. He can’t stop himself and, by the time the film ends, the vest has completely unravelled. The girl never discovers what happened to it and the youth vows never to pull a…
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The Clan M’Tarzan
Rab and Tam come across a dead monkey, discarded by a visiting funfair. Thinking it’s a human, they discuss what clan it is from and conclude that it must be a relative of the Devil. They go off to ask the Laird if any Englishmen have gone missing.
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“The Auld Tongue”
Barrowsgate remembers a farmer’s son who, having spent some time in London, spoke in a genteel manner on his return. However, he forgot his airs and graces when he trod on a barrel hoop, and reverted to his mother tongue with some choice Doric words.
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“The Twelfth”
A southerner comes up for some grouse shooting. Thinking he’s hit one he tells the Ghillie that it’s coming down. Gillie replies that it’ll come down when it’s hungry.
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The Rin-Awa’
A cow escapes and Jim and Janet run after it, After a while it gives up and they all go home.
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“A Lass O’ Pairts”
An older man, thinking he’d better take a wife, marries the first woman who agrees. He soon discovers that she’s not the woman he thought she was, when, before going to bed, she takes off her wig, takes out a glass eye, false teeth etc.